Calzowned.org

Somewhere, deep in the bowels of the Blizzard Entertainment Command Bunker…

Blizzard Employee #37: Sir, we have a problem.

Blizzard Raid Development Engineer, middle grade (class II): <Sighs> What is it now, 37?

#37: We’ve received a call from an angry player sir, a mage.

BRDE:mg (II): An angry mage eh, there’s a shocker. Transfer ‘m down to the mage class mental torment R & D division, they’ll take care of it.

#37: Actually sir, he’s calling to complain about his Guild, and the sorry state of our raid encounters… he called us “pansies” sir <cringes away from BRDE:mg(II)>

angry silence falls over the bunker.

BRDE:mg (II): <glares at 37> Pansies?

#37: Uh, yeah. He said his guild keeps beating our encounters… we’re not making them tough enough.

BRDE:mg (II): That’s absurd! He’s absurd! Tell him he’s absurd! His guild is probably a bunch of mountain-dew chugging, hunch-backed toe sweaters who’ve sacrificed everything to the angry raid gods to feed their item ilevel addiction, that doesn’t count!

#37: He, umm…, says they’re a “casual” guild sir. They keep beating our BT bosses the first night they try them .

BRDE:mg (II): Akama doesn’t count, you know what we did with the hopeless incompetent that designed that sorry excuse for a raid boss.

#37: No sir, he said last week it was Bloodboil, and this week it was Reliquary. Just to rub it in, he said they’ll probably go ahead and finish Mother this Sunday because they haven’t really got anything better to do.

BRDE:mg (II): By Archimonde’s pee-stained tighty whities! What the hell is his problem anyway?!?

#37 : He can’t play Wednesdays, sir.

BRDE:mg (II): Can’t. Play. Wednesdays?

#37: No sir. He says that on Tuesdays, they farm all the earlier bosses they’ve done before, then on Wednesdays his guild kills the next new boss. He’s angry because he doesn’t get to participate.

BRDE:mg (II): Doesn’t participate?

#37: He plays twice per week.

BRDE:mg (II): <deflates> Twice per week… what does he think WE can do about this.

#37: Well, for starters, he’s hoping we can turn the difficulty up on Wednesday nights… I believe he said ‘crank her to 11 midweek’, whatever that means; either that, or nerf warlocks, hunters, warriors, and rogues.

BRDE:mg (II): <knowing smile spreads across his face> AHA! Beneath it all, I taste the sweet tang of mage qq tears! 37, patch through to the mage class mental torment R & D division, tell them we’ve got a live one for them.

BRDE:mg (II): Oh, and #37, let’s see if we can’t slow these guys down some… <sinister chuckle>. Call double agent Chutoi and make sure he’s available on Wednesday nights, that should take care of “progression” for a while…

No, not talking about a rolling stop.

It took exactly three tries to lance the boil on Gurtogg’s hairy…

Well, let’s not go there.

This guild, casual though it may be, has a tendency to blow through the more mundane bosses the moment you blink, and they did it to me again last week. The callous disregard they show for our more temporally overallocated members by first timing bosses hurtses us, yes it does precious.

As such, those of us who can only play two nights per week, may have to start putting out contracts on the Wednesday Nighters in an effort to slow them down, so we get a chance to come out to play too.

So if you happen to know any alliance of questionable ethic and moral fiber, who roam in packs and wouldn’t mind jumping lone Calzowned members on wednesday nights when they have them seriously outnumbered, please send them…

HA! See what I did there! That describes all of you, you alliance pansies! (apologies to Jeskia, who is only a part-time pansy). I’m not going to pay for what I can get for free!

(On the other hand, feel free to gank any and all calzowned members you come across on Wednesdays. Those of us with less free time on our hands may just thank you for it.)

Oh yeah, and congrats on Bloodboil.

I guess.

(jerks).