Looking For Group

Somewhere In The Barrens.

(1.General) Illidan: Is this thing on?
(1.General) HairyPotter: Four Weddings and a Murloc…
(1.General) Illidan: LFG – Black Temple – Need Paladin, Mage, Priest, Rogue.
(1.General) Deathzor: Dude, b@#ch’n name!
(1.General) Narutwo: Thanks!
(1.General) Sanitee: Reported for illegal name, enjoy your ban Illidude.
(1.General) Deathzor: Not you nubwipe, him, the Illidan guy.
(1.General) Sanitee: Blizz doesn’t let peeps use char names from the game.
(1.General) Illidan: What? No! this IS my name.
(from Droodad): <—Kil’Jaedan, we should do lunch some time.
(1.General) Palingschwing: BT is a raid instance, not a 5 man u dumb noob
(1.General) Illidan: Fools, I don’t need a raid group, I find myself without my Council of Illidari, as they were destroyed last night.
Droodad moans suggestively at Illidan.
(1.General) HairyPotter: Pulp Murloc…
(from bittlelopeep): Can you run me through WC?
(to bittlelopeep): What? What’s a WC?
(1.General) Pickles: Why are u here, everyone’s like, level 2 or something.
(1.General) Illidan: I asked in trade channel, someone named Stertly suggested I take it to barrens chat
(1.General) Underpantsman: PWNED!
(from bittlelopeep): Ur mean, I like u. Can I have 5g to training?
(1.General) Illidan: What’s the matter with you people, I can make you GODS!
(1.General) HairyPotter: Murlocs of a Lesser God…
(1.General) Pickles: What happened to your last “gods”
(1.General) Illidan: They had, shall we say, a misunderstanding with Calzowned.
(1.General) Fourplay: What’s a Calzowned?
(1.General) Chubblin: It’s an Italian pasta dish, idiot. Lrn2Eat.
(1.General) Illidan: They are a casual raiding guild
(1.General) Pickles: No it’s not, that’s a calzone
(1.General) HairyPotter: Chronicles of Murloc…
(1.General) Chubblin: Casualawl = they SuCk! Lrn2raidnubs.
(1.General) Illidan: They destroyed my Illidari Council, hence the need to recruit a new one.
(1.General) Sanitee: And u came to the barrens to find them?
(1.General) Illidan: …
(1.General) Illidan: You people aren’t level 73 elites!
(1.General) Pickles: ding! winnah!
(1.General) Illidan: STERRRTTLLYYY!!!
(1.General) Illidan: YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!!!
Droodad moans suggestively at Illidan.
(1.General) Sanitee: Capslock is cruise control for cool
(1.General) Underpantsman: Srsly.

Illidari Council Down

Tragedy in Black Temple

Demonic Press
Updated 1 hour, 14 minutes ago.

Black Temple – Shadowmoon Valley

Tragedy struck deep in the heart of Outlands Sunday night when a peaceful evening vigil within Black Temple was shattered by the screams of the dieing.

Witnesses say around two dozen armed militants entered the temple at around 8:50pm Central time, stopping briefly for what could only be described as a picnic, replete with buffet table. 10 minutes later, the group rose and climbed the stairs to the Den of Mortal Delights.

Mother Shahraz DownWhat followed was the stuff of nightmares; said one of the Chamber Courtesans, “It was terrible, these people walked up the stairs, and of course, the Chamberlain rushes to meet them like he’s supposed to. I’ll never forget his surprise when he looks down to discover the shiny one at the front has stabbed him with his sword!”.

Upon seeing their Chamberlain fall, many of the courtesans in the room ran to his aid, and what followed was described by onlookers as “the systematic butchery” of everyone in view.
“I’m not sure what was worse, the casual way they killed my sisters, or the relish they seemed to take in looting the bodies afterwards… it all seemed like some sort of game to them.”

The militants appeared to have some goal in mind, a goal which became all too clear as they hacked a path deep into the Den, towards Mother Sharaz. One of the assistant Chamberlains, when asked for comment, could only weep “Blood, everywhere blood”.

No survivors lived to tell the tale of what happened in that chamber with Mother, but Forensics showed a surprising variety of traumas to the body, including not only cuts and bruises, burns, frostbite, and radiation damage, but what appeared to be bite marks to the ankle area. Latecomers to the scene were aghast to find the group “sitting in front of Mother’s corpse, taking pictures like a Japanese bus tour at Disneyland”.

Asked for comment, Illidan was clearly agitated, “Am I upset? Well, sure… I mean, she was my mum. Well, not REALLY my mum, but you know, in that way she was really everyone’s mum, and then this… it’s all so, you know, senseless really”.

As emergency crews worked through the night to contain the situation, the question had to be asked of the remaining Courtesans, how they would find the strength to go on without Mother’s calming presence.

Said one, “Well, it’ll be a long day and a half, but oh man, I don’t want to be around on Tuesday when she respawns… she’s gonna be pissed”

A Brief Raid Interlude

Somewhere, deep in the bowels of the Blizzard Entertainment Command Bunker…

Blizzard Employee #37: Sir, we have a problem.

Blizzard Raid Development Engineer, middle grade (class II): <Sighs> What is it now, 37?

#37: We’ve received a call from an angry player sir, a mage.

BRDE:mg (II): An angry mage eh, there’s a shocker. Transfer ‘m down to the mage class mental torment R & D division, they’ll take care of it.

#37: Actually sir, he’s calling to complain about his Guild, and the sorry state of our raid encounters… he called us “pansies” sir <cringes away from BRDE:mg(II)>

angry silence falls over the bunker.

BRDE:mg (II): <glares at 37> Pansies?

#37: Uh, yeah. He said his guild keeps beating our encounters… we’re not making them tough enough.

BRDE:mg (II): That’s absurd! He’s absurd! Tell him he’s absurd! His guild is probably a bunch of mountain-dew chugging, hunch-backed toe sweaters who’ve sacrificed everything to the angry raid gods to feed their item ilevel addiction, that doesn’t count!

#37: He, umm…, says they’re a “casual” guild sir. They keep beating our BT bosses the first night they try them .

BRDE:mg (II): Akama doesn’t count, you know what we did with the hopeless incompetent that designed that sorry excuse for a raid boss.

#37: No sir, he said last week it was Bloodboil, and this week it was Reliquary. Just to rub it in, he said they’ll probably go ahead and finish Mother this Sunday because they haven’t really got anything better to do.

BRDE:mg (II): By Archimonde’s pee-stained tighty whities! What the hell is his problem anyway?!?

#37 : He can’t play Wednesdays, sir.

BRDE:mg (II): Can’t. Play. Wednesdays?

#37: No sir. He says that on Tuesdays, they farm all the earlier bosses they’ve done before, then on Wednesdays his guild kills the next new boss. He’s angry because he doesn’t get to participate.

BRDE:mg (II): Doesn’t participate?

#37: He plays twice per week.

BRDE:mg (II): <deflates> Twice per week… what does he think WE can do about this.

#37: Well, for starters, he’s hoping we can turn the difficulty up on Wednesday nights… I believe he said ‘crank her to 11 midweek’, whatever that means; either that, or nerf warlocks, hunters, warriors, and rogues.

BRDE:mg (II): <knowing smile spreads across his face> AHA! Beneath it all, I taste the sweet tang of mage qq tears! 37, patch through to the mage class mental torment R & D division, tell them we’ve got a live one for them.

BRDE:mg (II): Oh, and #37, let’s see if we can’t slow these guys down some… <sinister chuckle>. Call double agent Chutoi and make sure he’s available on Wednesday nights, that should take care of “progression” for a while…

We suffered at first, but we had the desire… then we got ANGRY!

Reliquary of SoulsBrought to you via Stertly…

The floating head is no more. Tonight Calzowned vanquished the three face horror known as the Reliquary of Souls. On our first night of attempts we got our feet wet learning the fight through all three phases. We might have taken 6 warlocks, but the timely addition of two shadow priests and taming the wild stallion Sajun were pivotal.

Phase one was learned quickly, and we determined our rogues can be very squishy but with a few tricks up their sleeves they pulled some magic out and learned to live. The feral druid experiment… well, it didn’t last so long. Sorry bud.

Phase two was the breaking point for the raid. If only somehow we could manage to defeat this race against the shrinking mana pool. The raid was tweaked and altered to death. From having six paladins to have two. People graciously switched and sat out to benefit the guilds needs. For this, we thank you. You got us to phase three.

Phase three only took two attempts. We did what we do best. Burn faster and brighter then go out with a bang! Well, Menoch went out with a bang. Either way, we have now killed six bosses in Black Temple.

Time to go pay Mother a visit and deliver justice for all the times she took our “darned vidya games” away.